• You let one rip in your sleep and don't care if he hears.

• Talking dirty in bed means shouting obscenities when he hogs the blanket.

• Chivalry's as dead as the door he lets slam in your face.

• PMS lasts all month.

• Your jumbo box of absorbent maxi-pads is on open display.

• "Honey, what are you thinking?" is now, "Are you finished yet?!"

• He yawns when you bitch about that guy hitting on you at work.

• Those frilly, lacy, tiny panties have become way too uncomfortable.

• Two weeks no orgasm.

• Three weeks no orgasm ... and you still don't miss it.

• When he lends you five bucks, he expects it back.

• You'd rather spend quality time with your vibrator.

• The way he breathes is getting on your nerves.

• Spouse using your toothbrush to scrub tile grout.

• Candlelight dinners now illuminated by sticks of dynamite.

• Spouse has gone from moaning while making love to moaning ABOUT making love.

• Victoria's Secret? More like K-Mart's Special.

• The only thigh you see on your anniversary is at KFC.

• Morning breath no longer gives you that same thrill.

• Husband's casual suggestions to "try swinging" are growing alarmingly frequent.

• Your husband wants to adopt a 17 year-old waitress from Hooters.

• A romantic Saturday night at home now includes Dr.Quinn, Medicine Woman.

• Husband keeping list of things he'll do after you're finally dead.

• Request for sex now gets him $100 and a ticket to Vegas.
  
  ~Contributed by Tigress Luv

~all articles by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru. For more articles by Tigress Luv please visit Breakups Magazine, an online FREE magazine for those going through a breakup.
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